Jello's Twine Adventure
This small twin story is an interesting one. Starts waking up in this unknown place where you get to gather information and understand where you are. Once you have realized your situation it is now time to adventure out finding you way back home, I mean if home is where you really wanna go.
Comments
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Viability: The game is generally viable, but I couldn't see the point of some of the inventory elements. I know is a work in progress, but I would trade some of the more complex features and meanderings for a focused story with a sense of closure. On the other hand, I enjoyed the semi-open nature of the exploration. It sets up an interesting adventure for sure.
Presentation: Not much beyond the default styling. The writing is evocative, although definitely needs to be ran over spell check. Any further iteration should definitely include some visuals.
Theme: I see the beginning of themes, with the issue of money and resources, the distrust one is supposed to have towards the king, and the adoption of a pet. But yet again, we would need a bit more closure for these themes to really hit home, in my estimation. I would like to play know and see how are you planning to complicate the trope of time travel (or whatever is actually going on!)
Engagement: You added lots of little details and a good number of decisions, which made me want to play the game more than once and get as many tidbits as possible. Still, I think it ends abruptly, so not every extra element paid off. This is a good prototype for the Twine platform, but it needs some more presentation, polish and writing. You can do it!
There are lots of grammar mistakes to take care of here, but other than that it's a good story. I would like to see some illustrations or hear some music to go along with it!